Settle down...

Where did we leave off last?

Summer '15.  I went to Spain.  I went to Portugal.  I also went to Japan.

I came home to start college with enough money to buy a used car but I didn't - probably a good idea because I wouldn't have had enough upkeep money.

College was challenging at times because of the mechanical aptitude required but I worked hard and got good grades.  I can check that off my list and my fancy paper should be coming any day now.

Not wanting much downtime after college, I applied to several places hoping to land a millwright apprenticeship but didn't hear back.  Instead I went with the first opportunity that presented itself at a metal fabrication company as a CNC brake press set-up and operator.

In the two weeks I've worked it's felt like a job and not a career in which I wanted.  For hours the work can be mind-numbingly boring, tiring, lonely and unchallenging.  A lot of the skills and troubleshooting techniques I learned in college won't ever be used.

I remain skeptical whether this is something I want to do but a lot of it has to do with my attitude.  I know that building a new foundation takes time and there are plenty of things I'm learning that college never taught.  I need to remind myself why I am here and reading old blog entries has helped.

The idea of settling down has been further weighing me down now that I'm looking to buy a car for my daily commuting.  Anyone can get a job or leave to pursue other things.  A career and a car require commitment and planting yourself.  One provides money and a future and another puts you in debt (as I am looking at new vehicles).

I am scared of commitment.  I've never been good at it in most relationships.  It's a lifestyle not necessarily mine.  Yet I feel a lot of pressure from society steering me to settle down, get a career, buy a car, be in a relationship, start a family, buy a house, etc etc.  I dream of travelling around India for months.  I miss the adventure,  You can't do these things when you're tied down to commitments and debt.

The difficulty has always been following through with big decisions and hoping not to regret it in the future.